I am in the process of moving into my first house with my older brother, which ironically is the house that I was born in, just a short drive away from my parent’s place. I’ll be sure to take photos to share, and write about the before, during, and after process. My family won’t be hiring anybody to renovate the house because I sort of want a new project to really get my hands dirty with. Something to call mine. My own space.
I’m excited for what’s ahead. I can whole heartedly say that I’m really not interested in the past unless to reminiscence for a few minutes or so. I’m looking up. I need to do better at being pro-active, and stop living behind a screen while passive aggressively liking things on social media because I have nothing better to do all day. That’s not living.
Yes, I like to share. (Most of the people who know me best would call me someone who overshares.)
I know it might be a “Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego/Cara M?” sort of deal and if that means an apology is needed, I don’t feel like I need to apologize.
So for the next month, I’m going offline.
Call it an experiment, call it a new mindset. It has become abundantly apparent to me that I can’t use social media right now. Not fairly to myself, anyway. I see the honeymooners laughing in Bermuda, I see the new company cars and all their glistening, wifi on board glory. I see the edits, the filters and the perfected photo captions. I hear you, happy people. I see you. I am deeply happy for your happiness because you have to deserve that.
I want to check up on me, not you.
I guess you could say i’m putting my blinders on and doing major construction on Cara. I will meet you at the intersection of “happy” and “stable.”
So, how will I get my mojo back? And when?
It’s going to take time. Don’t be offended if I go off the grid. This is where I am most productive, most creative, most inspired. I don’t live out loud. I need to be more unabashedly myself, but that doesn’t mean I have to review every detail of my day, or life over and over until its one big bowl of “blahhhh” in the cereal of my life. I want to make sense. I want authenticity, healthy vibes and to radiate joy to other people. Right now, and since my birthday last month, it just hasn’t been there for me.
I’m going to use a camera. A disposable cheap one from WalMart that I can get prints from. I’m going to swim. I’m going to read again/.I’m going to cook without posting photos. I’m going to drink an entire bottle of Moscato while dancing in the kitchen with my dog. Alone, or with my sisters. I’m going to make a scrapbook. I am going to start eating out and going out less. I’m going to craft, create, blog, breathe. I’m going to go to bed early so I can get a full 8 hours rest. I am going to wake up before sunrise on the weekends and run those 6 miles. I am going to the batting cages near my house and profusely miss, hit, and smash things until I’m gross and feel better. I’m gonna put all my sweat, blood and tears into the Logan Street house and watch my new project bloom before my eyes. I’m going to practice yoga, fully, freely.
Call me if you know my number.